


I Remember

by imbethwhittaker



Series: A Thousand Words [2]
Category: Wentworth (TV)
Genre: F/F, Season/Series 04
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:42:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25523050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imbethwhittaker/pseuds/imbethwhittaker
Summary: Two people. One perspective. Ten Paragraphs. A thousand words. One epic love story.
Relationships: Allie Novak/Bea Smith
Series: A Thousand Words [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1851730
Comments: 7
Kudos: 18





	I Remember

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time posting anything in a very long while. I was just re-watching, Wentworth, when I got this idea, so please be kind—although I love constructive criticism. Each paragraph is 100 words, how I believed Allie thought process went through her pivotal moments with Bea.
> 
> All characters and plots lines from Wentworth are credit to their original creators, I don't own anything.

I remember the first time I saw her on TV. She was being escorted towards a police car, something I was far too familiar with, except I knew she didn’t feel what I had felt. I had always felt anger, towards the cops, shame towards myself, but somehow, throughout it all, she remained calm. Kaz stood by me and watched, in awe of what the woman had done to defend her daughter. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the TV as they talked about her case, she had been beaten down and still somehow managed to do the impossible.

I remember the first time I met her inside Wentworth. We'd been there a day before Kaz wanted to meet with her. She had betrayed her, and Kaz was angry. I had quietly begged Kaz to let me be the one to deliver the message. My palms were sweaty, and my throat felt dry as I made my way to H2, anxious to meet the woman I had looked up to. From the entrance to H2, I saw this woman was in pain. I didn’t want to bring her more; I wanted to be the one to wash it away.

I remember the first time I saw her naked. Knowing that she was a few stalls down in nothing but her prison-issued flip flops had me all riled up. I couldn’t help but take a peek at her, taking in her body. When she pushed me up against the shower wall, all I could think about was her. I wanted to tease her and feel her body writhe against my own. It was everything I had wanted from the moment I saw her. I couldn’t understand why she didn’t feel the same; there was no way I'd misread the signals.

I remember the first time we kissed. She told me she cared for me, I knew it had slipped out, and I almost missed it. I couldn’t let her walk away, so I kissed her. It was quick and soft; her lips felt slightly chapped against mine. I could feel her hesitation, which is why I didn’t push for more than that one simple kiss. The shock on her face when I pulled back almost made me laugh, but I didn’t. I knew she needed time to process, and truth be told, I did too, so I left her alone.

I remember the fear I felt the first time I lost her. Seeing her on the floor of the kitchen, not breathing and lifeless; I would have switched places with her in a heartbeat. She didn’t deserve this, no one did. Sobs took over my body as I pushed down on her chest, trying to bring her back to life. Each number I counted felt like an hour passing, I begged her to wake up, but she never answered me. I watched as Mr Jackson took over, copying my actions. I cried again and again, but she never woke up.

I remember my anger when I detoxed after my relapse. She stayed faithful to her word and stayed with me all night. I couldn’t keep track of my emotions, one minute I was happy she was there consoling me, and the next I felt white-hot anger towards her; it was because of her that I was in this state. As the night drew to a close, I’d passed out on my bed, but I stirred a little as she climbed into bed with me, holding me in her arms. I’d never felt as content as I did at this moment.

I remember how her body felt beneath mine. I took my time, making it slow because I knew about her past. She enjoyed me kissing her neck, the moan that graced my ears was enough to send me into a frenzy, but I stayed calm. I memorised how every kiss, every touch, made her react. Her body writhed under mine as I dragged my fingers through her wet folds. She gasped as I gently pushed my fingers inside her. Her lips found mine as I curled my fingers inside her, pushing her over the edge to the long awaited orgasm.

I remember the fear of never seeing her again. I had been clean only a few days. My mind was clear, and I was content in giving her the love she so desperately yearned for so long. I felt the drugs flow through my veins, and the darkness enveloped me as I overdosed on the high I knew all too well. All I could think about was how she would think I’d done this to myself. I didn’t care if I died, I just needed her to know that this wasn’t me, that she shouldn’t blame herself for what happened.

I remember the heartbreak of losing her. I couldn’t quite believe what this stranger was telling me. I tried to fight her, to say she was lying to me. Hot tears fell down my cheeks at her words, I wanted to scream, but my voice refused. I wish I had died so that we were together. It wasn’t fair that she had died because for me, I had never been worth it. I never even had the chance to tell her how much I truly loved her. I had no idea how I was supposed to continue living without her.

I remember everyone coming together for her memorial. Kaz had dragged me there, but I didn’t want to go. I wasn’t ready to acknowledge that she was gone. Days passed me by where I refused to move, refused to eat, and I wrapped her red blanket around me. Her scent still lingered, and it brought me sweet dreams of her face, of her every kiss, of her every touch. I stayed true to my word. I never wanted to touch another drug again, she had given me the strength to be better, and I would do that just for her.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on the following socials...  
> Instagram: @imbethwhittaker  
> Twitter: @imbethwhittaker


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